Not Rated (But would be an R Rating for nudity, language, and violence)

Tell No One is a terrific suspense thriller by french film maker Guillaume Canet about a man named Alex and his growing suspicion that his wife’s murder 8 years ago was fake.

Eight years after Alex’s wife was murdered, which he was a suspect for, he receives an anonymous email which links him to a live public camera, just as a woman who strangely resembles his wife walks by, pausing a few seconds to look up at the camera.  Alex soon finds himself once again framed for a murder and suspected of killing his wife.  Running from the cops and thugs he tries to piece together who is after him and what really happened to his wife.

The film is well casted and well acted but somehow it seemed to go one forever.  At only two hours there was plenty of suspense and thrilling scenes, including one impressive chase scene, however the film felt three.. or four hours long.   I don’t know how to explain it.  But if you have a loved one leaving the country … or are procrastinating on a paper… step into this film at a movie theater, time will stand still.  No joke.

This film was very entertaining.  It did feel long but the ending, as crazy as it might be was worth it.  The theme is well known, “people will do some crazy ish to protect the ones they love” but this film takes it to a new level. I recommend this film, but maybe at a matinee discount!

Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, language and sexuality

Remember that movie The Fifth Element?  Starring Bruce Willis….   Yeah.. ok.  Remember near the beginning of the movie when some drugged out mugger tried to rob Bruce Willis in his apartment.  He was all like, “gimme decash maaannn!…  Gimmedecash!”  or something like that.  Folks allow me to introduce you to Mathieu Kassovitz.  You might also recognize him from a good movie, as Robert in Munich.  Anyways.  This is also the director of Babylon A.D. and other crappy movies, such as 2003’s Gothika starring Halle Barry.

So back to Babylon A.D..  I’d tell you what it’s about, but after watching it I’m not completely sure. I can tell you that King Kong, I mean Vin Diesel’s character, Toorop, is a mercenary who is hired to transport a girl from eastern Europe to New York City.  This movie is set in the not so distant future.  I can also tell you that the girl he is transporting isn’t your average girl.  She has abilities and knowledge…  and sight beyond sight.  She’s like a Thunder Cat.

The first half of this movie was alright.  It was exactly what I expected based on the trailer.  Cheeky action/violence.  The second half got a little weird.  The story had a bunch of unnecessary twists which added a ton of plotholes.  It seemed as if they didn’t know how they wanted to end it and just kinda shot a bunch of stuff and threw it together in the last moment.

So, I’m gonna go ahead and give this movie a “rent it”.  It was worth my time… barely.

Rated PG-13 for crude and sexual content throughout, language, drug references, and comic violence

Wow.  With a name like Disaster Movie the reviews practically write themselves.  This film is without a doubt the worst movie I’ve seen since… well, their last movie.. Meet The Spartans.  And yes, this movie is worse.  It’s the worst movie I’ve seen all year.  It’s probably one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen in my life.

There’s nothing redeeming in this movie.  Not even hot chicks.  Are there some hot chicks… yeah…sure.  But nothing could have made this movie worth my time.  It’s gotten to the point where I watch these movies just to see how aweful they are.  I don’t think I am joking or exaggerating in the slightest bit when I say I could write a movie of this caliber in a single night.  But I would be so ashamed of myself that I’d become suicidal.

I’m done writing about this movie.  If your younger dumber sibling is thinking of watching this with their middle school friends just slap the crap out of them and rob them of $7, then tell them you just saved them 90 minutes of their lives.

Rated R for pervasive crude and sexual content, nudity, language, drug and alcohol abuse

College is one of those, “good enough for me, but I’m way too easily entertained”, films.  Any movie that concentrates on nudity as much as this film is going to be worth my time, at the very least. A story involving three high school seniors who take a weekend trip to experience the college life first hand.  Their weekend turns out to be their worst and best weekend of their lives.
The cast was ok.  Drake Bell is getting rid of his Nickelodeon image, which I guess is good for him.  Andrew Caldwell starts off way too annoying.  His character is your average complete asshole Stiffler wannabe.  All too common these days and hardly ever executed well enough.  I thought the dorkiest of the three main characters, played by Kevin Covais, might have been the funniest and best portrayed.

This movie would probably have made a little bit of money if it toned down all the nudity and cursing and got by with a PG-13 but it prayed to do what recent R rated comedies have been doing.  Fortunately all those movies have a lot more talented associated with them than this film.  I mean, essentially this film tried to be Superbad 2:  The Field Trip.  And it failed at that.  It did manage to entertain me for 95 minutes with some nudity and the occasional funny joke or embarrasing scene.

This film is worth a rental though.  Check it out sometime when you get bored enough.

Rated PG-13 for intense violent sequences, thematic material and brief language

Traitor is a movie that markets itself as “this years Borne Supremacy” but ends up being more like “supremely boring”.  Did it have a few intense parts, sure.  But overall even Don Cheadle’s excellent acting couldn’t make this movie worth watching in theaters.  The story is fairly cool… and very scary.  It’s about terrorism.  The CIA, FBI, and Homeland Security are all trying to get to the bottom of a terrorist plot.  With every new bomb pointing back to a previously American Military trained Samir Horn (Don Cheadle) they are at their wits end over who to trust and fear the next attack will be on American soil.  OK, I get it.  That’s kind of a cool story.  You don’t really know if Samir is a bad guy or undercover agent, or whatever.  No, but that would be a cool story.  Instead the movie pretty much makes things obvious right from the get-go.

What makes this movie fail as a suspensful or thrilling action movie is … well the lack of suspense and action.  The pacing is pretty aweful.  Previews were cool though.  But the film is rather disappointing.  I think it was worth my time but ends up just being average.  I’d recommend renting this one! I’m well aware that I am rating a Don Cheadle film worse than The House Bunny, Death Race, and The Rocker.  But those movies were very entertaining.  Surprisingly so.  And this movie was kinda boring.  So, crucify me if you want.  Those are just my opinions.  You are more than welcome to share yours!

Rated R for language including sexual references, brief nudity and some drug content

Hamlet 2 is stars Steven Coogan (Tropic Thunder) as a failed actor turned failing drama teacher for a Tucson Arizona high school that decides to put together an offensive musical sequel to Billy Shakespeare’s Hamlet.  After his classroom swells from it’s average 2 students to over 20 he finally has the opportunity to put on a real play.  But he faces several problems.  The majority of his students are troubled youths that won’t respect him and he can’t come up with an original concept for a play.  That is until he writes a musical sequel to Hamlet.

I thought the previews to this film looked very promising.  It’s written by Pam Brady, the unknown third member of the South Park crew.  This is very obvious at the end of the film when we are actually treated with several musical numbers from Hamlet 2.  The last 15-20 minutes of the film, the actual play, is easily the funniest part of the movie.  There are a few laugh out loud moments during the rest of the film, but not nearly enough.  Steve Coogan did a decent job, even though his accent didn’t really stick through the film.   It was really silly dry humor, like watching Trey Parker or Matt Stone in actual person.

So, there you have it.  What was supposed to be a clever and funny indi film turned out to be disappointing with a decent ending.  I’d recommend renting it in a few months.

Rated PG-13 for sex related humor, partial nudity, and brief strong language

Happy Madison’s go to boy, Fred Wolf, has… to some extent… redeemed himself from Strange Wilderness with The House Bunny.   The House Bunny was pretty, wait for it…wait for it, effin hilarious.  I’m not gonna lie.  Walking into this movie I expected a Catch the Matinee but I was fairly impressed.  I’ve always been a fan of Anna Faris.  She made the Scary Movie films watchable.  In the House Bunny she takes on the role of Shelly Darlingson, a Playboy Bunny living in Heff’s mansion until she finds herself kicked out on her 27th birthday.  Because all she ever wanted was a family and a place to call home she manages to get a job as a “house mother” to the most desperate sorority on campus, the awkward Zeta’s.

As you may have guessed she teaches the social outcasts how to communicate with guys by having their outer beauty reflect their inner beauty.  And by that, I mean she makes them over into hot chicks.  In return she learns that some guys actually like girls for their personality.  Everyone learns something about themselves and by the end, maybe everyone can be happy?

Sure the script is predictable, but hilarious nonetheless.  The performances, however, are the selling points to the film.  Anna Faris is amazingly funny… and hot.  As a matter of fact, just about everyone in this movie is either funny, hot, or both.  That’s a good mixture.  Emma Stone (The Rocker, Superbad) is on point for the incredibly geeky and super cute chick, a role she has gotten mastered by now.  I was slightly more impressed with Kat Dennings (40 Yr. Old Virgin, Charlie Bartlett) who also has her role (rebellious hilarious bad ass teen) down.  I just hope these fine young actresses don’t find themselves type-casted in these roles.  She didn’t have the most lines, but Rumer Willis (daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore) was also well casted and hot.

So there you have it.  The movie is funny.  Enough said.  And there are plenty of hot hotties heating hot.. ok I’m done.  I still can’t believe I’m ending my Worth Watching dry spell with The House Bunny but I, and everyone I watched it with, thought it was just the movie we needed to see tonight.

Rated R for strong violence and language

This remake of Death Race 2000 is brought to us by director Paul W.S. Anderson (Mortal Kombat, Resident Evil, Alien vs Predator) who continues to film high action / low intelligence films. And they be entertaining as hail. Being a big Jay Stat (Jason Statham for those not on a first name basis with him) I really enjoyed this film. It felt a lot like one of his Transporter films. It was really unbelievable but that won’t stop you for cheering for the next bad guy’s gruesome death scene.

Jay Stat is excellent as Jensen Ames, an ex NASCAR champion who was framed for the murder of his wife so the crooked prison system can get him to race in Death Race. See, in the not so distant future the U.S. is such a bad place after the economy crashes that violence gets out of control and the prison systems start being run by private, profit driven organizations that use prisoners for pay-per-view like live entertainment. Tyrese Gibson might have been the worst part about this film. As another prisoner/racer he had incredibly cheesy lines and for the most part his cheers and cries were just annoying. Joan Allen (why is she doing this sort of movie?) was actually believable as the super biatch pulling all the strings as deathrace but I would have rather of seen a young hot chick in the role. Just saying…

You know exactly what to expect from this movie based on the previews. I thought it was fairly entertaining and enjoyed it. My roomate actually that it was a lot better than the previews and he thinks it’s worth watching, several times. A lady that enjoyed this film with us also thought it was pretty awesome. She jumped at every “jump worthy” scene in the film. Which according to her was 6 times. Just saying.

Personally I think the movie was good, but I could live without ever watching it again. So I think Catch the Matinee is fair. If you’re lucky enough to catch this movie with the right crowd it could make it an even better experience.

And yes, it has been over a month (since Dark Knight) that I felt a movie was was “worth watching”. Laaaame

Rated PG-13 for drug and sexual references, nudity and language

The Rocker stars TV’s Dwight, from The Office, as “Fish” a bitter man who dwells on being kicked out of Vesuvius right before they become the biggest rock band of all time.  Twenty years have passed and he is given a second chance at stardom when he is asked to play drums for his nephew’s highschool band.

They casted this movie fairly well.  And Rainn Wilson did a solid job at his first starring role, even though it felt like it was written for Jack Black.  Josh Gad, who you may recognize as the fat kid that you thought was a Jonah Hill ripoff earlier this year in 21, was also decent as the awkwardly dorky and lame nephew.  As she was in Superbad, Emma Stone was adorable and believable as a cute dorky highschooler and as some people know, Teddy Geiger is a somewhat accomplished musician so he fit right in as the tormented singer/songwriter.

I thought this movie was going to be a “rent it” at best, but I was pleasantly surprised and I’m actually gonna give it a “Catch the Matinee”.  Barely, but I actually enjoyed this film.  It feels exactly like School of Rock.  The music is good and you might catch yourself taping your toes, you will get a good laugh every now and then at a goofy “man child” trying to rock.  The big surprise really was SNL’s Jason Sudeikis who in the previews looked like he was going to just be cheesy and lame, but ends up being incredibly funny as the rude a-hole manager of the band.

It might be a “weak” catch the matinee but I think this movie is a little better than a rental.  You don’t have to agree.

Rated R for strong violence, disturbing images, language, and brief nudity

I used to be a pretty big fan of French writer/director Alexandre Aja, mostly due to being a huge fan of his French film HIGH TENSION, and his first American film The Hills Have Eyes.  Then I watched P2 which he didn’t direct, but he did produce and write it.  It wasn’t good at all and I found myself on the fence.  Having watched his latest horror film, Mirrors, I am still on the fence.  I mean, he is 2 for 4 in my book.  So his next movie better be pretty awesome.

Mirrors is a remake of a Korean horror film called Into the Mirror, I believe.  What is it with all these foreign horror remakes just not being up to par.  And they all basically involve the same plot premise.  There’s some kind of curse that’s killing people….  let’s figure it out before it gets us.  It’s getting a little too common.  The Ring, Dark Water, The Eye, and now Mirrors.  It’s getting old and predictable.  So chill out with that.

Aside from the lame story, the acting isn’t even great in this movie.  Keifer Sutherland plays the main character, an ex NYPD detective who works overnight security at a burned down department store on 6th Avenue who begins to notice strange clues in a previous employees death that all point to the mirrors in the store.  Soon he figures out that the mirrors can make you see things that aren’t there and can make you hurt and kill yourself and that this can follow you to your place and eff with your family.  Seriously.  Lame.  Keifer spends most of the film calling characters by wrong names and screaming curse words like he stumped his toe.  It was laughable.  Not what you expect from a horror movie.  Especially an R rated one directed by a member of the “splat pack”.    Some of the gore scenes were pretty nifty.  I guess.   But that doesn’t make the movie worth watching like a saw movie can be carried by a few cool scenes and a surprise ending.

Rent it if you want a good laugh.  If you do rent it, don’t go calling me to watch it with you though.  Once is more than enough for me.  Alexandre Aja is writing and directing next year’s Piranha 3-D which at first made me sick.  Thinking of him making yet another horrible horror movie….  and animal based to make it worse.  Like the dozens of straight to video “killer piranhas” movies out there.  But the more I think about it, they could make this a pretty good horror comedy film like Shaun of the Dead if they go over the top cheesy and funny.  The fact that it will be a horror movie in 3D alone makes me interested enough to check it out.